By the Time You Read this I'll be Dead
A Book by Julie Anne Peters
About the Author
Julie Anne Peters was born on January 16th, 1952 in Jamestown, New York, and when she was five, she moved with her family to the suburbs of Denver, Colorado. She attended Colorado's Women's College, where she earned a Bachelor's Degree in Elementary Education and a minor in French. Peters taught fifth grade for one year, then decided teaching was not for her and returned to Colorado's Women's College to earn a Master's degree in Computer and Management Service. When she felt this career was also not for her, she began to write, soon authoring more than a dozen books for young adults and children. Her book, Luna, was a National Book Award Finalist, and her novel Define "Normal" received the honor of young reader's favorite book of the year in California and Maryland. She is a member of The Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators, PEN America, Colorado Authors League, and The Author's Guild. Peters currently lives in Lakewood, Colorado with her partner Sherri, where she continues to write young adult and children novels. RLS
Relation to "Becoming an Adult"
Julie Anne Peters book, By the Time You Read this I'll be Dead, follows suicidal teenager Daelyn Rice as she reflects over what made her the person she is today. This excerpt belongs to the "Becoming an Adult" chapter because past events are what shape a person's future outlook on life; therefore, reflection on mistakes, trying to fix them, or simply not repeat them is an important part of becoming a mature adult. RLS
An Excerpt from By the Time You Read this I'll be Dead
Sitting at my desk, I flash back to the audition when I was seven. Dad read about this talent agency that was coming to town looking for child actors. "Singing and dancing ability a plus," he read to me. I told him, "I can't dance." He said, "But you sing like an angel."
He'd heard me singing along to a TV show, and the next thing I knew I was singing solo because Dad had remoted down the sound. "You're really good," he said. "Maybe even better than your mother. Don't tell her I said that." He winked. That made me happy because Mom had a beautiful voice. Wherever we drove, Dad would play CDs from films and musicals and encourage me to sing along. "You're going to be the next American Idol," he said.
I beamed. I actually believed him.
The audition was held in a huge auditorium that was packed with kids and parents. I wore my best dress, the one with puffy sleeves and sparkles. Looking at all those people...
The thought of getting up in front of them and singing...
I whispered to Dad, "I don't want to do this. Can we go home?"
"You'll be great." He squeezed my hand. "Just pretend you're singing in the car."
"Dad," I said urgently, "I don't want to."
He wouldn't listen.
He doesn't listen. No one ever listened to me.
I was assigned a number: 203. By the time my number was called, it was late afternoon and my stomach was growling with hunger and twisted in knots. Dad said, "Now, don't be nervous. Just answer their questions and speak up. Then sing the way you do for me." He smiled and pushed me onstage.
I don't remember the questions. I sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" like a hundred kids had before me. My voice shook, but I didn't forget the lyrics, and I hit all the high notes.
A deep voice from the audience reverberated: "Thank you. You have a nice voice, but we're not looking for your type." I turned to leave, but Dad walked out onstage. "What type?"
When there was no answer, Dad repeated the question.
"What type?" He sounded mad.
The deep voice sounded: "Do I have to say it?"
"Yes," Dad said. "What do you mean her 'type'?"
There was a hushed silence in the auditorium.
I felt all hot and flushed. Don't say it, I thought. Not out loud.
The voice boomed. "In case you haven't noticed, your daughter is...overweight."
People's snickers and snorts drifted up to me.
Dad didn't say, "No, she's not." Because he knew I was and he made me humiliate myself in public.
I take my poo poo platter smoothie to bed.
That was ages ago, but it sticks in my mind as a turning point. I'd never trust my dad again. RLS
He'd heard me singing along to a TV show, and the next thing I knew I was singing solo because Dad had remoted down the sound. "You're really good," he said. "Maybe even better than your mother. Don't tell her I said that." He winked. That made me happy because Mom had a beautiful voice. Wherever we drove, Dad would play CDs from films and musicals and encourage me to sing along. "You're going to be the next American Idol," he said.
I beamed. I actually believed him.
The audition was held in a huge auditorium that was packed with kids and parents. I wore my best dress, the one with puffy sleeves and sparkles. Looking at all those people...
The thought of getting up in front of them and singing...
I whispered to Dad, "I don't want to do this. Can we go home?"
"You'll be great." He squeezed my hand. "Just pretend you're singing in the car."
"Dad," I said urgently, "I don't want to."
He wouldn't listen.
He doesn't listen. No one ever listened to me.
I was assigned a number: 203. By the time my number was called, it was late afternoon and my stomach was growling with hunger and twisted in knots. Dad said, "Now, don't be nervous. Just answer their questions and speak up. Then sing the way you do for me." He smiled and pushed me onstage.
I don't remember the questions. I sang "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" like a hundred kids had before me. My voice shook, but I didn't forget the lyrics, and I hit all the high notes.
A deep voice from the audience reverberated: "Thank you. You have a nice voice, but we're not looking for your type." I turned to leave, but Dad walked out onstage. "What type?"
When there was no answer, Dad repeated the question.
"What type?" He sounded mad.
The deep voice sounded: "Do I have to say it?"
"Yes," Dad said. "What do you mean her 'type'?"
There was a hushed silence in the auditorium.
I felt all hot and flushed. Don't say it, I thought. Not out loud.
The voice boomed. "In case you haven't noticed, your daughter is...overweight."
People's snickers and snorts drifted up to me.
Dad didn't say, "No, she's not." Because he knew I was and he made me humiliate myself in public.
I take my poo poo platter smoothie to bed.
That was ages ago, but it sticks in my mind as a turning point. I'd never trust my dad again. RLS
Discussion Questions and Activities
1. Have students discuss a time they trusted someone and it led to them getting embarrassed or betrayed. Did this mishap result in feelings similar to Daelyn's or did they forgive the person for their mistake? How can letting negative feelings linger destroy a relationship?
2. Bullying occurs so often in schools that it becomes easy to forget mistreatment of people happens outside of schools. What types of bullying exists outside of school and why do people ignore that as opposed to bullying inside schools?
3. Daelyn states at the end of the above excerpt that she'd "never trust" her dad again. Is it possible to go through life without trusting the people who provide for you even a little bit?
4. Should Daelyn's father have let her leave the competition when she wanted to go, or would this choice also have consequences? RLS
2. Bullying occurs so often in schools that it becomes easy to forget mistreatment of people happens outside of schools. What types of bullying exists outside of school and why do people ignore that as opposed to bullying inside schools?
3. Daelyn states at the end of the above excerpt that she'd "never trust" her dad again. Is it possible to go through life without trusting the people who provide for you even a little bit?
4. Should Daelyn's father have let her leave the competition when she wanted to go, or would this choice also have consequences? RLS
Essay and Response Questions
1. Who is the real antagonist in this story? The main character Daelyn, her father, the judge, or someone else? Students should explain their answer with reasons from the text.
2. Research the lyrics to the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." What is the message of that song, and how does it apply or not apply to Daelyn's situation?
3. Daelyn's weight kept the judge from choosing her, despite her ability to sing well; do we live in a society today where physical appearance matters more than true talent?
4. The excerpt's contest specifically targeted children, who faced similar scrutiny by the judge; what kind of consequences are possible for children in a society that ignores this appearance discrimination, allowing it to happen? Who should take charge of the situation and change it, if it needs to be different? RLS
2. Research the lyrics to the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." What is the message of that song, and how does it apply or not apply to Daelyn's situation?
3. Daelyn's weight kept the judge from choosing her, despite her ability to sing well; do we live in a society today where physical appearance matters more than true talent?
4. The excerpt's contest specifically targeted children, who faced similar scrutiny by the judge; what kind of consequences are possible for children in a society that ignores this appearance discrimination, allowing it to happen? Who should take charge of the situation and change it, if it needs to be different? RLS
Formatting by: RLS